Lilypie Maternity tickers

Lilypie Maternity tickers

Monday, February 11, 2013

Today's moment of pure sweetness

First off, I never wrote that post about Mills' new tricks, but recently, she has been getting closer and closer to crawling, getting herself into a sitting position, and pulling up on things. Technically, she can crawl, but she only goes a step or two. She is super close to maneuvering from the lying down position to sitting up but still needs a little help to pull herself completely upright. And if we let her use our hands for support, she likes to pull herself up to stand. She is also SUPER wiggly these days, wanting to see and grab everything and not wanting to miss out on a thing.

Okay, so as I've said, there are dozens of times a day when I want to capture a moment, seizing every detail in my mind, to remember it forever. Most recently, occurring about 10 minutes ago, Mills stole my heart for a thousandth time when I went into her room after she'd been fussing, resisting a nap for the third time today. I picked her up, held her close to me, and started bouncing her softly as she leaned her heavy head against my shoulder. As if that weren't sweet enough, she then whipped her head back to look up at my face, opened her mouth, smiled, and leaned in for a kiss (at this point, whatever she can get in the chin to nose region). She gazed at me in the dark, grinning as I kissed her mouth repeatedly. Then she put her head back against my shoulder and fell asleep. I love that baby girl!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

She's a half!

Millsypie is six months old, and I am just sitting here wondering what happened. Didn't we just bring her home from the hospital? Sure feels like it. My heart seriously aches and my eyes well up with tears just thinking about how fast time has gone and knowing it's not going to slow down! I want to record every single waking moment. And even her sleeping ones. I want to remember every little detail of this forever, and it kills me knowing that it's not possible.

Some small details just from the past couple days that I don't want to forget:
- When Mills wakes up in the morning and from naps, and I walk into her room and start talking to her, she lifts her sleepy head, smiles, does a little "heh heh" giggle, then buries her sweet face in the mattress.
- If I don't shower while Mills is napping, she sits in her bouncy chair in the bathroom while I do. She has toys to play with, and her seat vibrates and plays music, but she has the most fun trying to see me while I talk to her. She's always ready with a big grin when I peek out at her from behind the curtain.
- I always nurse Mills while lying down because it's easiest that way these days. On Tuesday and Wednesday, her third nap of the day was snuggled up against me having fallen asleep nursing. It was the sweetest thing. *We should do this more often*
- Our hallway has no natural light, and I don't always turn the light on as we go back and forth throughout the day. I usually slow down enough that Mills can reach out and let her baby hand graze the wall as we walk, but I never just stop. Until today. When we were halfway up the hall, Mills on my hip, I stopped, and she turned her head to me, looking up with big, sweet, innocent eyes and her tiny, open mouth, and I thought to myself how I wanted to capture that precious, curious, trusting expression. 
- Today while nursing her, she turned onto her back and started playing with her feet as she ate. Anytime that girl is on her back, her tiny tootsies go right into the air.
- To wind down and get ready for naps, we dance a little in the kitchen, then head to Mills' room and sing "twinkle, twinkle." Recently, as I've finished the song, she's begun rubbing her face back and forth against my shoulder like she's trying to scratch her nose. Little booger :)
- A few times this week, Mills has fallen asleep in my arms, held horizontally, with her whole face nuzzled into my elbow.
- Every night, Mills gets a bath. It's part of her bedtime routine. And so is me singing "rubber ducky." Every time I start singing in my best Ernie voice, she immediately looks at me and grins.
- Mills always smells sweet. I think it's just from the pureed fruits she eats (aka gets stuck in her chubby crevices), but I love inhaling her neck and breathing in her skin when I kiss her cheeks.

A lot of what I want to remember I have no way of doing except with memories. No photo or video is going to let me smell her babiness or feel her soft fuzzy hair, silky smooth skin, chubby thighs, or squishy belly. All of these thoughts just make me want to have another baby so I can relive these moments and enjoy these simple pleasures again. And again? And maybe again? :)

 Six months!
 Baby pirate. Arghhhh!
 Yep, this last photo is the result of face-planting into a pile of fresh spit-up. Her expression says is priceless.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

An un-posted post on sleep

**I started this back in October and never finished. I've since addressed Mills' sleep in another post, but I think this information (especially where I bolded) is important for me to remember, too, so I'm posting it as is:

As Mills passed the two month mark and approaches three months, I have been working toward getting her on a better routine/schedule. I had read that you really can't spoil a newborn, and I told myself this repeatedly the first couple months as I cuddled and nursed her to sleep and held her when she didn't want to be alone in her crib to sleep. I still worried that she would become needy and dependent on me to sleep, and I didn't always "spoil" her. With our next baby, I can see myself trying to get into a routine and work on the baby's sleep independence early on, but if I feel like snuggling and rocking that baby to sleep, I absolutely will and will not feel guilty or worried about it. Time goes by way too fast and the newborn phase should be enjoyed as much as possible.

Well, at three months, babies are no longer considered newborns, and I don't want Millie to be totally dependent on me to be able to fall asleep. Over the past few weeks, I have been working on helping her get used to napping in her crib rather than on my chest and sleeping in her crib at night. Mills actually moved from our bedside bassinet to her own room when she was just a couple weeks old. I think I made that move mostly because Greg was starting back to work, and I thought he would unnecessarily lose sleep if she stayed in our room. However, next baby can stay in our room longer! I have read about the "fourth trimester" and feel bad that I didn't keep Mills closer to me longer. Of course, she is and will be fine, but when I think about being a brand new baby, used to being warm, snuggly, with a full belly, and comforted by the sounds of the womb, I feel bad that I didn't keep her closer.

Sleep!

Okay, last time I posted (whoa- 3 months ago...) I said I should be able to keep up with this blog! And really, I could have done it, but I always came up with excuses because I just never felt like spending my valuable alone time typing on the computer. Mills is growing SO fast though, and motherhood is QUITE an adventure. I want to document as much as I can so I can remember it better, either for when we have another baby or for when I'm missing my girl's sweet baby days.

Last time I posted, Mills was about three months old and had begun sleeping great at night! Before getting into that, here's a recap of the first couple months:

For her first month or two, she was going to bed later at night. I don't even remember at this point what time, maybe 10pm? It was inconsistent and probably depended on when I was ready to hop in bed. Of course, as a newborn, she was sleeping most of the day and still napping in the evening prior to 10pm, but we didn't put her in bed until at least 10. I wonder if we will try an earlier bed time with a future newbie? We also kept her in a bassinet by our bed for the first two weeks or so, then moved her to her own room (and I often slept on a twin bed in there for convenience), and occasionally moved her in to our room again (again, for convenience), and a time or two, even put her in our bed beside me (Convenient? Yep, but knowing she was in the bed prevented me from sleeping well).

Those first couple months, we didn't really have a plan for bedtime. It just kind of happened whenever and however. There was one night when I guess we missed Mills' "window" for slumber, and she got a second and seemingly everlasting wind. The tiny tater tot was awake until at least 1am, just bursting with baby energy! We didn't know what to do, so we played with her on and off, hoping she would get tired. I know better now. Do not play when you want your baby to be asleep! Duh, right? We were just baffled that night. Greg kept commenting on how playful Mills was and stating that she just didn't seem tired, and I insisted that she MUST be tired because she had been awake for hours on end. Did you know babies can get a third and fourth wind, too? Apparently they can. I'm pretty sure this must have been the eve of the day Mills slept until 5pm only semi-waking to eat...

Also during the first couple months, as the majority of newborns do, Mills woke frequently to eat, probably waking up twice a night to eat, even after just eating prior to being put down around 10/11pm. Initially, she woke approximately every 2-4 hours, screaming to be fed. Then at some point during the second month, her appetite took a chill pill and let her sleep stretches of five or six hours (occasionally closer to seven). The day she turned eight weeks, she slept from 8p-4a. I was shocked. Greg was on a school trip, and when I woke up around 3am, I couldn't go back to sleep and wondered if I should go check on her because I just couldn't believe she could sleep for eight straight. I ended up staying awake until she made the slightest peep, and I swooped in there, eager to see, hold, and nurse her back to sleep.

The first couple months of Mills' sleep were also interesting for another reason. One night she would be in her crib on her back, and the next she would be in the pack n play propped up in her boppy. Or she would be in her carseat IN the crib. Or her crib would be propped up, and she would be tucked in the boppy. It was craziness, partly because she developed a cold at about six weeks, and I'd read it was better for her to sleep in a more upright position, but partly because she just didn't sleep well flat on her back. Note to self: invest in a nap nanny for the next baby! I mean, these things look heavenly, don't they?:
                                            
Okay, so by 12 weeks, we had established a bedtime routine (bath, lotion rubdown, pj's, nurse, Goodnight Moon, crib) and a more consistent bedtime (between 8 and 8:30pm), and Mills was really getting a hang of sleeping. I'd read that I should be putting her to bed "drowsy but awake" to help her learn to fall asleep on her own, so I would lay her down then pat her back until she fell asleep. If she cried, I would do the pick up/put down as needed. She definitely wasn't falling asleep "on her own," but she did get used to falling asleep in her crib rather than in my arms! Big step. At this point, she was regularly sleeping eight or nine hours straight before waking up to eat just once during the night (usually between 4 and 5am) and falling back to sleep for another three hours. There were a few times when she even slept 10 or 11 hours straight! I was in Heaven. Although, it wasn't as good as I had dreamed it would be: waking up to pump is NOT fun; I would much rather nurse my warm, snuggly baby than listen to the weh wahhh, weh wahhh of the pump. Still, I was proud that Mills was sleeping so well.

Then four months hit. Actually, it was about a week before she turned four months that her day and nighttime sleep got rocky, she was extra fussy at naptime, and she was back to waking up twice a night (not horrible, but waking up even just one extra time is rough for a sleepy momma!). I'll give it to her though: Mills had a lot going on at four months. Regardless, we made it over the hump and got back on track, but I had to make extra effort to get her to nap well during the day (sleep begets sleep) so she would sleep well at night. Sometime around this time, her bedtime gradually moved to 7:30, and it has stayed there since. Mills returned to waking once between 4 and 5am, but just before she turned five months, I started weaning her off that feeding. I only did this because Mills didn't appear to truly need the feeding: when she woke again at 8am, she barely ate! So, we waited until a weekend, when Greg's sleep wasn't quite as important as on a weeknight, and when Mills woke up at about 4:30am, we took turns patting her back every few minutes until she fell back to sleep on her own. Yes, she fussed a bit, but thankfully, she never had a melt down over it, and she did go back to sleep until her regular wake-up time! Success. We did the same thing the next night, and by the third night, she slept through the night on her own (12+ hours!) and woke up happy, not screaming to be fed Unfortunately, the 12 hour night only occurred once more before Greg and I caught a stomach bug, and I was too afraid not to feed Mills, fearing that she would catch it if I didn't pump her full of antibodies and wanting her to be as hydrated as possible prior to possibly catching it.

Then Christmas travel happened, and Mills' sleep was a bit out of whack for a while. Once we got home, she was back to waking up between 4 and 5am to eat, and we are currently toying with getting her to sleep through that feeding time again. Although, I am hesitant to do it right now because she is right at the six month mark and should be hitting a growth spurt. The past two nights, though, we've gotten her back to sleep without eating with little fuss, but if she hadn't gotten back to sleep fairly easily, I would have fed her. She has started solids and hasn't dropped any daytime nursing sessions, so she must be getting plenty of calories during the day, but I just want to be sure she is still getting enough of those calories from me. Thankfully, she has her six month check-up next week, and I can get some clarification and reassurance about all of this!

For the next post, I'll have to update on all of Mills' new tricks! She's such a sweet, strong, quirky little thing :)

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

12 weeks of Mills

I wish I'd made a point of posting at least once a week! I have a friend with two babies under 1.5 years old, and she is able to keep up with her blog, so I should be able to with just one, right?

Mills turned 12 weeks old on October 5; I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. It seems like we just brought her home. She has grown from the 9lb baby whose sleepy eyes we rarely got to see to a 15.5 lb chunk whose eyes we still rarely see because she smiles so hugely that her cheeks force them shut :) Just kidding: we see her beautiful baby blues plenty!

She is learning so much every day, and this past month has accomplished the following new tricks: making new noises (lower tones in addition to her high, squeaky coos), sucking her thumb like a big girl (though she doesn't do this as often now as she did a few weeks ago), drooling!! big time, batting at/reaching for/grabbing toys, putting anything she can into her mouth, blowing/spitting bubbles, scooting around in her crib when she's on her belly, and playing with her hands. Her hands have become so fascinating to her. She still doesn't have complete coordination with them, and it's so funny to see her bop and wave them around-- looks like she's dancing. She's also holding her head up much better on her own, bears more weight on her legs for longer periods of time, and does a baby crunch forward when I try to lean her back against my bent up knees. She's a strong little girl! And finally, she laughed her first "real" laugh tonight when I was rubbing lotion on her feet- so sweet! Oh, and she sleeps through the night :) I don't want to jinx it but will post more on her sleep another time.

I've taken weekly photos of Mills thus far; I enjoy doing it but don't know how long it will last. I think it would be amazing, though, to have 52 similar photos documenting Millie's growth throughout the first year, but I'm just going to take it week by week and see how long we go! Here are our girl's first 12 weeks:

1 week:

2 weeks:

3 weeks:

4 weeks:

 5 weeks:

 6 weeks:

7 weeks:

8 weeks:


9 weeks: 

10 weeks:

 11 weeks:

12 weeks: 



Monday, September 24, 2012

Birth Story

I will preface this by saying I'm writing it not just to share with anyone interested but moreso so I can remember as many details as possible for myself and share the story with Mills if she ever wants to hear it :) So, it is super long, and I'm sure there are plenty of seemingly irrelevant or boring portions.

We had been painting at the new house for a few days, and I was spending a lot of time and energy in Mills' room painting purple stripes; the kid'd better like 'em!
All the standing, bending and crouching was really taking a toll on me, and my feet, ankles, and even calves had begun to swell. 

At the weekly potluck dinner on Wednesday the 11th, after spending hours at the house, my feet and legs weren't just swollen; the swelling hurt, too. All I wanted to do was put my feet up and relax! I couldn't pass on that week's southern-themed meal though, so I pushed through! The chicken and dumplings were so worth it.

The next day, I felt that I needed to be painting, but Greg was pretty adamant that I should stay off my feet, and so was my mom who said I must have been overdoing it recently. I decided I'd at least make the oreo truffles I'd planned to take to a baby shower I was helping with the next day. That way, on Friday, all I'd have to do is make an entree. I also went ahead and put the carseat in the base, which was already installed in the car. I threw in a baby blanket and a towel, too- the towel to sit on just in case my water broke whenever we headed to the hospital (although I never expected my water to break outside the hospital). Well, anyway, Greg decided to stay off his feet that day, too, and it was making me antsy that Mills would be here within two weeks, and we had so much to do but were just sitting around the apartment! That night, I could NOT take it anymore; I had to do SOMETHING productive. Nesting was in full force as I vacuumed the apartment, cleaned the bathroom as best as I could, did some laundry, cleared off and dusted our bedside tables, and added a few things to my hospital bag. Finally, after midnight, once I'd decided I'd done enough and didn't feel like watching tv, I started getting ready for bed.  It was about 1230 that I lost my mucus plug. I was excited because it meant I really was getting closer to meeting baby Mills, but I'd read it wasn't a very good predictor of when labor would start, so I didn't think too too much of it. I did tell Greg though, referring to a line from the movie "Knocked Up" about reallyyyy not needing to know there was a mucus plug ;) Greg immediately (but skeptically) asked if I'd be going in to labor that night. I told him it could be hours or weeks (as I'd read) and laughed, telling him I didn't think it was the night. So off I went to bed, falling asleep around 130 or so.

At 330, I woke up suddenly. I was... leaking. I instantly sat straight up and stated matter-of-factly, "My water broke." For me, there was no mistaking it, especially considering that the small trickle turned into a major gush as I sat up. Greg was hilarious. His reaction was similar to when I told him I was pregnant, something like "What!?! Are you kidding me??" I told him I was leaking sommmmething and urgently said I needed a towel. I'm surprised we hadn't already put towels under the sheets because Greg had been worried about getting his fancy mattress soaked with baby water. I guess neither of us thought it would happen anytime soon though because we weren't prepared. Because I'd read the stats favor it being the other way around, I also didn't really believe my water would break prior to having contractions. Anyway, Greg leapt out of bed and scrambled to get a towel as I burst out laughing at the flood I was creating and at my husband running back and forth grabbing towel upon towel.

The moment was surreal. We knew what it meant: we were finally having our baby. I called my mom and older sister right away because they were seven to eight hours away and wanted to have a chance to beat baby Mills to Nashville. Mom happened to be awake, having just flown in from India two days before and still suffering from a screwy sleep pattern, and she was on the road within an hour. My sister had to work two 12hr shifts that weekend and wasn't going to be able to get out of them and get her family ready to go in such a short amount of time. She stayed in Virginia but was involved through phone calls, texts, and Skype, and she kept the rest of my family up to date on what was happening.

Back to the action: Greg was ready to head to the hospital right away, thinking that's what we were supposed to and should do, but I wasn't having contractions yet. He told me he had justtt gotten into bed when my water broke, so I told him to try to rest, and I took a shower before calling the midwives at about 345am.

The midwife told me I should wait until I was contracting every five minutes and then call back, so while waiting for contractions to start/pick up, I bounced and rolled back and forth on my big yoga ball in front of the tv, singing along to Katy Perry on the "Hits" music channel. At one point, Greg came out and asked "What's going on out here?" Just a laboring pregnant lady rockin out on the yoga ball...

I timed my subtle contractions and once they averaged five minutes apart (about 6am), I called back. The midwife wanted me to talk to her through a contraction, which I could have done easily, but when I told her the pain was only a 2 (which was an exagerration at that point, but I wanted her to tell me it was time to go!), she said she didn't even need to hear me and knew I wasn't contracting strongly enough. She asked if I'd still been feeling baby move, and I really hadn't noticed any movement since before I'd gone to bed. I was a little worried, so I lay down and focused on Millie and tried to rest. As a lay on my back, my stomach looked a lot smaller without all the fluid in there. I put my hands on Mills and talked to her, and she finally made some small movements- relief!

It didn't take long after talking to the midwife for contractions to become stronger. I lay in bed facing Greg talking with him about the contractions and what we should do, finally deciding that since we were an hour away from the hospital, and the contractions were a bit stronger (I'd say 3, maybe 4ish on the Nikki scale of pain), that we should start getting ready to go. Greg, who of course hadn't fallen back to sleep-- how could he at a time like this? :)-- got out of bed, showered, and helped me put my things in the car. Close to 7am, as we finished getting ready, our power went out, and there was no question that we were definitely getting out of there and heading to Nashville!

I called again and talked with a diffeent midwife this time because of shift change. When I told her we were on our way, she sounded doubtful of my state of labor and advised us to go by the clinic first. She wanted me to be checked and confirmed to be in active labor since the hospital doesn't like to admit patients unless they have reached that point. I also called Greg's mom, who dubiously asked, "Is this THE call?" and was surprised and obviously excited when I said yes. She headed up from Georgia that morning for baby Mills' birth.

I didn't notice the weather when we left Bell Buckle, but it was early, so it wasn't hot. It must have been cloudy though because it started pouring once we got on the interstate. Traffic wasn't bad though considering it was 730am, so Greg's earlier recommendation that I make a sign to hold out the window saying "lady in labor" wasn't necessary after all. During the pregnancy, we had joked/worried about getting stuck in rush hour traffic on our way to the hospital. We lucked out, even though I wasn't in a lot of pain or going to give birth anytime soon.

As we neared the clinic, I pessimistically commented that I was probably only 1-2cm but really hoped I was at least 3-4 so they wouldn't tell us to go walk at the park or something rather than head to the hospital. When we got to the office, I was the only patient there, and they told me they'd been expecting me. There was a hint of excitement for us in their voices; this was getting more real! We went into an exam room, and the midwife I'd seen at my last visit came in with a student. She guided the student through the process of checking me, which was the most painful part of labor at this point, and they confirmed my water had broken (duh!) and let us know I was 4-5 cm. No question about it-- not that I was wondering-- I was in labor! I was surprised to be so far along already. I'd declined being checked at my appointment a few days earlier, so I could have been dilated prior to my water breaking, but there's no telling.

The midwife asked if I'd eaten breakfast (only a banana and a peach) and suggested I get some protein in me on our way to the hospital since I wouldn't be eating while laboring there. I sat in the car talking to my mom and sister (still pretty effortlessly through contractions) while Greg got us Subway for breakfast. They were surprised how dilated I was on my own (and called me weird!) because they'd both had pitocin to help them progress. Their reactions made me feel good, confident that my labor would be free of medical interventions (I didn't even want an IV much less an IV pumping me with drugs). It was 9am, and Mom was still about five hours away, but I didn't doubt she'd make it in time.

The last and only time we'd been to the Vandy hospital was for the hospital tour about six weeks earlier. I was glad it was all familiar and we knew what to do and where to go. I remember going through the motions of getting out of the car, getting my things, walking through the garage and heading up the elevators to L&D, but none of it seemed real. We were going in as two; would we really be coming out as three??
The nurses at the front desk were peppy, talking to me about my morning as we waited to head to our room. On the way back to the rooms, I had to stop to sign some electronic forms, which seemed to take forever and was a nuisance whenever a contraction struck!

I was so happy and relieved to find out we were getting one of the two rooms with a hydrotherapy tub. The tubs were one of the reasons I'd wanted to deliver at Vanderbilt in the first place. I'd requested a tub room at the clinic that morning, and the midwife had passed the message along, but I wasn't sure I'd get one since there were just the two.

Another perk of the tub rooms: they are bigger! When we got in our room, I just wandered around checking it out until our sweet nurse, Anna, came in. She asked me if I had a birth plan. I hadn't written one but knew what I wanted, so I told her the gist of it: no meds, no IV if I could avoid it, use of the tub, no eye ointment or shots for Mills that day. Because I didn't want to be stuck in bed, I didn't wear a monitor either, and Anna said she'd come in every half hour (or was it hour? Not sure, but I'll stick with half) to check baby's heartrate. Oh, I also chose to labor in my own clothes (wind/athletic pants and tank) rather than a hospital gown.

After the nurse left that first time, Greg told me he thought he knew her from when he went to school in Chattanooga. When Anna came back, I asked if she went to Greg's sister school, and she lit up and said she thought she'd recognized him, too. They didn't know each other well but had had some of the same friends and both went to prom with the same large group. Pretty cool and unexpected!

Anna got water and ice for me and suggested different ways of laboring, encouraging me to save the tub as long as I could rather than get in right away because it was kind of the last resort of pain management before getting an epidural or resorting to other drugs. I took her advice and walked around the room, bounced on the yoga ball (which Greg had brought up from the car and loudly-- think duck sounds-- attempted to inflate with the included pump. Comic relief!), and leaned over the bed to labor.

The time went by quickly, and I was surprised each time Anna came in to listen to Millsy's heart. When she did, I would get on the bed for a minute, and each time she came, it became more and more uncomfortable to lie down during contractions. It wasn't excruciating by any means (in fact, here's a pic Greg took by sisterly request via fb message at 1120am: IMAG0301.jpg), and although I'd been laboring calmly and quietly, I decided I was ready for the tub around noon. It was at this point, around 1145am, that my midwife, Melissa, offered to check my progress; I was 6cm, 90% effaced, and Millie was at a -1 (needs to be a +2 to deliver). 

It took a bit of time to get the tub filled and ready for me, but it felt wonderful! Unfortunately, I was too long to recline comfortably in the built-in seat; I sat on the middle of the tub floor instead. I sat pretty upright for a while and hadn't been in the tub for too long when Greg's mom arrived. I was still talking at this point and was able to tell her how I was doing, but I remember not really wanting to talk and beginning to really want it to be quiet in the room.  Thankfully, from what I remember,everyone began using softer voices. Maybe that was also when I started closing my eyes.

My mom got there a little after 1pm. I don't think I said a whole lot to her though because contractions had picked up in intensity.

The nurse was still coming in and checking Mills' heartrate, but I had begun tuning out everything and everyone. I still remember camera clicks, whispers, and feeling others' presences, but my mind was clear and focused on labor. Every once in a while I would open my eyes and see Greg to my left, watching me with cups of ice and water at hand, my mom to my right, and the midwife in front of me. You'd think it'd be weird to open your eyes and have people watching you, but it was oddly comforting.

While sitting in the middle of the tub, I leaned against the side and rested my head on the edge.
Toward the end of my tub time, my contractions became extremely strong. I wasn't able to rest my head any more. My body tensed up and shook, I think I clenched my fists, and I felt like I couldn't control my response to the pain. I let out involuntary moans, which I remembered hearing my sister make before she delivered my first nephew. I remember my mom telling me to relax, and surprisingly enough, I unclenched my fists, relaxed my torso, and got through it. I only remember having a couple of these contractions before I said, "I'm pushing." I wasn't doing it deliberately, but Millie girl was low enough and the contractions strong enough that my body knew what to do next. My mom remarked how the last few contractions had been "different," the midwife said it was time to get me to the bed, and Greg agreed. I think he only said "yeah," but I could tell he was concerned and anxious from his hurried tone. Later, he told me how hard it was to watch/listen to those last few contractions in the tub.

While draining the tub, I had another contraction, and I had to reposition myself and ride it out before trying to get out. They had trouble getting the tub door open, and I remember smiling and saying, "Greg did it" because he was the one who closed and locked it after I'd gotten in. They finally got it open, and I was able to climb out. The midwife commented on a bit of "bloody show," and my mom draped a gown around me. Before getting into the bed, I had another contraction and leaned over the bed until it subsided.
Once I was on the bed, midwife Melissa checked me and sure enough, she declared, "10cm, 100%, +2." We were ready to go! My mom's voice was so excited as she repeated that I was 10cm. Melissa and Anna guided me on how the rest of the contractions and pushing would go. Greg stood at my head, my mom held one leg, and I think Anna held the other.

I really dreaded having another contraction, but when one came, I pulled back on my legs and gave it all I had, which didn't feel like much. My mom was right though that contractions aren't so bad when you're pushing; you're assisting your body in what it truly needs to do, and you don't think about or feel the contraction pain. Still, after one contraction ended, I lay back, still with eyes closed, and waited dreadfully for the next one. Everyone waited with me, and it seemed like forever at times. My mom told me later that my contractions were very spread out at this stage, moreso than they should have been for being on the brink of delivery. Even though it took longer overall (I was on the bed for over an hour but pushing for much less) to get Mills delivered, at least I got a good amount of rest between pushes!

It was strange though: I pushed three times (10 count per push) with each contraction but didn't feel like I was really pushing until the very end of the last push, after the last 10 count was done. Rather than stopping after that last "8,9,10", which you'd think a laboring woman would be eager to do, I kept pushing, and it felt good. It was as if my body wasn't ready to push until then. So, I think a lot of the pushing is almost useless; only when you feel your body push on its own will your additional effort have a big effect.

The midwife, nurse, and Mom would comment on the progress and how I was moving her down, but for a while, it didn't feel like it. As Mills got lower and they could see her hair, Mom asked if I wanted the mirror to see. I still wasn't talking and kind of shrugged and she brought it over just in case. My eyes stayed closed though, and she eventually asked if she could roll it away, and I nodded quickly. I had no desire to open my eyes or see what was happening.

All this time, Greg was at my left shoulder, counting the contractions and holding my leg back for me as needed. I did hold onto and try to pull my legs back while pushing but didn't have a lot of energy to hold them on my own.

The burning. I knew she was getting close, and this was when I didn't want to push anymore, not because I was tired, but because of the pain. I remember being told to push, and I just lay there, eyes squeezed tight, shaking my head no, but reassuring words reminded me she was close, and I needed to push for her. I was also reminded to take deep breaths between contractions so my baby girl would get enough oxygen. These deep breaths were, of course, calming for me too.

With the burning came Mills' head. Did I want to touch it? Nope! I was relieved though when they said her head was out. I didn't have much work left to do before I got to hold that sweet little peanut. Shoulders were next, and I think it was just a push, and out she came! I think someone said for me to grab my baby, but I was ahead of the game, and she was on my belly in no time. Greg smiles and laughs when he recalls my instinctual grabbing of Mills. He does a good re-enactment, too :)

We were elated that she was finally here, but as she wailed on my stomach, I had trouble focusing on anything but the pain of the nurse and midwife "massaging" my uterus. Placenta delivery was no big deal, but the rubbing was torture as they tried to get my uterus to contract and stop the bleeding. I remember apologizing to Mills, feeling so bad that I couldn't stop her crying right then.

Greg cut the cord! I do remember seeing that happen despite the distraction of pain and slight worry that I was bleeding too much. I had a slight tear that the midwife stitched up after numbing me, but man did I feel that first needle prick!

I'm not sure of the order of rest of the events while in the delivery room, but here's what happened anyway:
I held Mills for a long time and nursed her for an hour before (I think this was before) giving her up to be weighed and measured (9lbs! But 19.5in?? We got second and third opinions on that one later that night: 23-23.5in sounded more accurate).
 

I was accompanied to the rest room, really feeling the need to pee. While in there, I fainted from seeing the blood, and I woke up on the floor. Luckily, Anna had been with me the whole time, and I had given her warning, telling her I didn't feel well. I remember her looking at me and asking, "You don't??" with a concerned tone. No one in the delivery room knew what was going on when another nurse rushed into the room and went straight to where we were in the bathroom. Someone reassured them that I was okay after I "woke up", was able to give my name, and began talking about a dream I had during my two-second blackout. They worried I had passed out due to loss of blood, but Mom and I told them my history of fainting due to squeamishness. Anyway, I still hadn't peed, and urinating later became one of "my goals" in my postpartum recovery room. I also had to be escorted to and from the restroom the first few times to be sure I wasn't going to pass out again.

My mom was able to give Millie her first bath, and Greg snapped a few photos.
Once she was clean, her daddy got to hold her. He had said repeatedly during the pregnancy that he would hold her once she was bathed and even suggested she be caught in a bucket of water as she was born! That's Greg for ya :) He sat in a rocking chair with her, and I cried at the sight of him with our precious little girl- so sweet!

Nothing else too exciting happened during our hospital stay. Mills stayed in my room with us the first night and the majority of the second, but I did let the nursery take her for a few hours so I could rest the second night. We headed home Sunday the 15th. The drive seemed to last forever, but we made it back and were welcomed by Millsy's loving Nanna and Grandma, a very excited and curious dog, and a mischievous little kitten.

We had helpful visitors for the first week or two, and then Greg and I began our new life alone with our little love. It's been a crazy, exhausting, humorous, messy, love-filled adventure ever since.

Remaining bump shots!

Well, sweet Mills is over 10 weeks old now. I should have posted some updates along the way! She's napping now, so I thought I'd post the remaining bump shots and whatever else I can while she sleeps.

36 weeks:

 37 weeks:

 Fingers crossed for no more than 3 weeks left :) Turned out to be just 1.5 more!
38 weeks:

39 weeks, 4 days:

The little lady was born July 13 at 3:39 pm measuring 23" and weighing 9lbs :)