She's a half!

Millsypie is six months old, and I am just sitting here wondering what happened. Didn't we just bring her home from the hospital? Sure feels like it. My heart seriously aches and my eyes well up with tears just thinking about how fast time has gone and knowing it's not going to slow down! I want to record every single waking moment. And even her sleeping ones. I want to remember every little detail of this forever, and it kills me knowing that it's not possible.

Some small details just from the past couple days that I don't want to forget:
- When Mills wakes up in the morning and from naps, and I walk into her room and start talking to her, she lifts her sleepy head, smiles, does a little "heh heh" giggle, then buries her sweet face in the mattress.
- If I don't shower while Mills is napping, she sits in her bouncy chair in the bathroom while I do. She has toys to play with, and her seat vibrates and plays music, but she has the most fun trying to see me while I talk to her. She's always ready with a big grin when I peek out at her from behind the curtain.
- I always nurse Mills while lying down because it's easiest that way these days. On Tuesday and Wednesday, her third nap of the day was snuggled up against me having fallen asleep nursing. It was the sweetest thing. *We should do this more often*
- Our hallway has no natural light, and I don't always turn the light on as we go back and forth throughout the day. I usually slow down enough that Mills can reach out and let her baby hand graze the wall as we walk, but I never just stop. Until today. When we were halfway up the hall, Mills on my hip, I stopped, and she turned her head to me, looking up with big, sweet, innocent eyes and her tiny, open mouth, and I thought to myself how I wanted to capture that precious, curious, trusting expression. 
- Today while nursing her, she turned onto her back and started playing with her feet as she ate. Anytime that girl is on her back, her tiny tootsies go right into the air.
- To wind down and get ready for naps, we dance a little in the kitchen, then head to Mills' room and sing "twinkle, twinkle." Recently, as I've finished the song, she's begun rubbing her face back and forth against my shoulder like she's trying to scratch her nose. Little booger :)
- A few times this week, Mills has fallen asleep in my arms, held horizontally, with her whole face nuzzled into my elbow.
- Every night, Mills gets a bath. It's part of her bedtime routine. And so is me singing "rubber ducky." Every time I start singing in my best Ernie voice, she immediately looks at me and grins.
- Mills always smells sweet. I think it's just from the pureed fruits she eats (aka gets stuck in her chubby crevices), but I love inhaling her neck and breathing in her skin when I kiss her cheeks.

A lot of what I want to remember I have no way of doing except with memories. No photo or video is going to let me smell her babiness or feel her soft fuzzy hair, silky smooth skin, chubby thighs, or squishy belly. All of these thoughts just make me want to have another baby so I can relive these moments and enjoy these simple pleasures again. And again? And maybe again? :)

 Six months!

 Baby pirate. Arghhhh!

 Yep, this last photo is the result of face-planting into a pile of fresh spit-up. Her expression says is priceless.

An un-posted post on sleep

**I started this back in October and never finished. I've since addressed Mills' sleep in another post, but I think this information (especially where I bolded) is important for me to remember, too, so I'm posting it as is:

As Mills passed the two month mark and approaches three months, I have been working toward getting her on a better routine/schedule. I had read that you really can't spoil a newborn, and I told myself this repeatedly the first couple months as I cuddled and nursed her to sleep and held her when she didn't want to be alone in her crib to sleep. I still worried that she would become needy and dependent on me to sleep, and I didn't always "spoil" her. With our next baby, I can see myself trying to get into a routine and work on the baby's sleep independence early on, but if I feel like snuggling and rocking that baby to sleep, I absolutely will and will not feel guilty or worried about it. Time goes by way too fast and the newborn phase should be enjoyed as much as possible.

Well, at three months, babies are no longer considered newborns, and I don't want Millie to be totally dependent on me to be able to fall asleep. Over the past few weeks, I have been working on helping her get used to napping in her crib rather than on my chest and sleeping in her crib at night. Mills actually moved from our bedside bassinet to her own room when she was just a couple weeks old. I think I made that move mostly because Greg was starting back to work, and I thought he would unnecessarily lose sleep if she stayed in our room. However, next baby can stay in our room longer! I have read about the "fourth trimester" and feel bad that I didn't keep Mills closer to me longer. Of course, she is and will be fine, but when I think about being a brand new baby, used to being warm, snuggly, with a full belly, and comforted by the sounds of the womb, I feel bad that I didn't keep her closer.

Sleep!

Okay, last time I posted (whoa- 3 months ago...) I said I should be able to keep up with this blog! And really, I could have done it, but I always came up with excuses because I just never felt like spending my valuable alone time typing on the computer. Mills is growing SO fast though, and motherhood is QUITE an adventure. I want to document as much as I can so I can remember it better, either for when we have another baby or for when I'm missing my girl's sweet baby days.

Last time I posted, Mills was about three months old and had begun sleeping great at night! Before getting into that, here's a recap of the first couple months:

For her first month or two, she was going to bed later at night. I don't even remember at this point what time, maybe 10pm? It was inconsistent and probably depended on when I was ready to hop in bed. Of course, as a newborn, she was sleeping most of the day and still napping in the evening prior to 10pm, but we didn't put her in bed until at least 10. I wonder if we will try an earlier bed time with a future newbie? We also kept her in a bassinet by our bed for the first two weeks or so, then moved her to her own room (and I often slept on a twin bed in there for convenience), and occasionally moved her in to our room again (again, for convenience), and a time or two, even put her in our bed beside me (Convenient? Yep, but knowing she was in the bed prevented me from sleeping well).

Those first couple months, we didn't really have a plan for bedtime. It just kind of happened whenever and however. There was one night when I guess we missed Mills' "window" for slumber, and she got a second and seemingly everlasting wind. The tiny tater tot was awake until at least 1am, just bursting with baby energy! We didn't know what to do, so we played with her on and off, hoping she would get tired. I know better now. Do not play when you want your baby to be asleep! Duh, right? We were just baffled that night. Greg kept commenting on how playful Mills was and stating that she just didn't seem tired, and I insisted that she MUST be tired because she had been awake for hours on end. Did you know babies can get a third and fourth wind, too? Apparently they can. I'm pretty sure this must have been the eve of the day Mills slept until 5pm only semi-waking to eat...

Also during the first couple months, as the majority of newborns do, Mills woke frequently to eat, probably waking up twice a night to eat, even after just eating prior to being put down around 10/11pm. Initially, she woke approximately every 2-4 hours, screaming to be fed. Then at some point during the second month, her appetite took a chill pill and let her sleep stretches of five or six hours (occasionally closer to seven). The day she turned eight weeks, she slept from 8p-4a. I was shocked. Greg was on a school trip, and when I woke up around 3am, I couldn't go back to sleep and wondered if I should go check on her because I just couldn't believe she could sleep for eight straight. I ended up staying awake until she made the slightest peep, and I swooped in there, eager to see, hold, and nurse her back to sleep.

The first couple months of Mills' sleep were also interesting for another reason. One night she would be in her crib on her back, and the next she would be in the pack n play propped up in her boppy. Or she would be in her carseat IN the crib. Or her crib would be propped up, and she would be tucked in the boppy. It was craziness, partly because she developed a cold at about six weeks, and I'd read it was better for her to sleep in a more upright position, but partly because she just didn't sleep well flat on her back. Note to self: invest in a nap nanny for the next baby! I mean, these things look heavenly, don't they?:
                                            
Okay, so by 12 weeks, we had established a bedtime routine (bath, lotion rubdown, pj's, nurse, Goodnight Moon, crib) and a more consistent bedtime (between 8 and 8:30pm), and Mills was really getting a hang of sleeping. I'd read that I should be putting her to bed "drowsy but awake" to help her learn to fall asleep on her own, so I would lay her down then pat her back until she fell asleep. If she cried, I would do the pick up/put down as needed. She definitely wasn't falling asleep "on her own," but she did get used to falling asleep in her crib rather than in my arms! Big step. At this point, she was regularly sleeping eight or nine hours straight before waking up to eat just once during the night (usually between 4 and 5am) and falling back to sleep for another three hours. There were a few times when she even slept 10 or 11 hours straight! I was in Heaven. Although, it wasn't as good as I had dreamed it would be: waking up to pump is NOT fun; I would much rather nurse my warm, snuggly baby than listen to the weh wahhh, weh wahhh of the pump. Still, I was proud that Mills was sleeping so well.

Then four months hit. Actually, it was about a week before she turned four months that her day and nighttime sleep got rocky, she was extra fussy at naptime, and she was back to waking up twice a night (not horrible, but waking up even just one extra time is rough for a sleepy momma!). I'll give it to her though: Mills had a lot going on at four months. Regardless, we made it over the hump and got back on track, but I had to make extra effort to get her to nap well during the day (sleep begets sleep) so she would sleep well at night. Sometime around this time, her bedtime gradually moved to 7:30, and it has stayed there since. Mills returned to waking once between 4 and 5am, but just before she turned five months, I started weaning her off that feeding. I only did this because Mills didn't appear to truly need the feeding: when she woke again at 8am, she barely ate! So, we waited until a weekend, when Greg's sleep wasn't quite as important as on a weeknight, and when Mills woke up at about 4:30am, we took turns patting her back every few minutes until she fell back to sleep on her own. Yes, she fussed a bit, but thankfully, she never had a melt down over it, and she did go back to sleep until her regular wake-up time! Success. We did the same thing the next night, and by the third night, she slept through the night on her own (12+ hours!) and woke up happy, not screaming to be fed Unfortunately, the 12 hour night only occurred once more before Greg and I caught a stomach bug, and I was too afraid not to feed Mills, fearing that she would catch it if I didn't pump her full of antibodies and wanting her to be as hydrated as possible prior to possibly catching it.

Then Christmas travel happened, and Mills' sleep was a bit out of whack for a while. Once we got home, she was back to waking up between 4 and 5am to eat, and we are currently toying with getting her to sleep through that feeding time again. Although, I am hesitant to do it right now because she is right at the six month mark and should be hitting a growth spurt. The past two nights, though, we've gotten her back to sleep without eating with little fuss, but if she hadn't gotten back to sleep fairly easily, I would have fed her. She has started solids and hasn't dropped any daytime nursing sessions, so she must be getting plenty of calories during the day, but I just want to be sure she is still getting enough of those calories from me. Thankfully, she has her six month check-up next week, and I can get some clarification and reassurance about all of this!

For the next post, I'll have to update on all of Mills' new tricks! She's such a sweet, strong, quirky little thing :)